So evidently while I wasn’t looking, half the Internet visited my blog. The prime reason for this was my old piece, So I Guess I Got Kicked Off Another My Little Pony Forum, which got Dugg a little over 7000 times a couple weeks ago. I guess that means most people liked it, although aside from filling my comments section with unadulterated craziness, none of them stuck around for very long.
That might have had something to do with my front page. For those that did enjoy my work enough to browse around a bit, they were immediately and repeatedly confronted with the image of a beef missile on the top of the front page, firmly emplaced there by my lack of updates. Which is half embarrassing, and half really fitting, because if any one sentence could be used to describe this blog, it’d probably have to be “Infrequently Updated Near-Gay Porn.”
As for the lunatic My Little Pony comments, it would appear the vast majority were either congratulating me for ruining some poor guy’s forum, or angry with me for posting something so blatantly photoshopped. Why the world is so delighted to see someone ruin someone’s else’s website is a bit of a mystery to me, although I suspect it has something to do with that Ashton Kutcher punk.
I’ve also recently learned another lesson in audience expectations, thanks to a surge in popularity for my Japanese Die Hard Posters piece. I originally made those things almost three years ago while hanging out on a forum in a thread entitled “Photoshop Up some Foreign Movie Posters” or similar. Everyone there seemed to think these Die Hard posters were cute and clever, and applauded the gusto and élan with which I poked fun at the Japanese, again.
So when I started the blog, I slapped those online, and they sat there, basically ignored until this weekend. Someone else on the Internet has evidently linked the piece, and also titled it “Authentic Japanese Die Hard Posters! These are very real!” I’m guessing. Which resulted in a small army of people visiting the piece, then shitting all over it for being photoshopped. Again, just for the record, basically nothing on this site is real, except for that trip to IKEA, which was truthfully for more harrowing than I’ve related so far.
One last thing: to the commenter jesus, and his request that I update my blog to remove the bulge so prominently displayed on the front page…
Normally making two posts in a single week on this blog is an amount of effort I’d only employ in the direst of circumstances. Something on the order of the sun exploding, and the only channel for communicating critical public service announcements was this blog. 
Yes I’m still alive. No I haven’t been on vacation (right.) No I haven’t stopped writing. Stop asking so many questions. 
Looking back on my life, there appear to be three great ironies that define it:
Chris Bucholz 
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