Before Boating
Before putting your boat in the water in the spring, take it to a professional boat mechanic to have him thoroughly inspect it. If his skill at repairing boats threatens your sense of self worth, don’t panic! Remove your shirt, and begin flexing your back muscles in a nautical fashion. Your display of seamanship-worthiness will impress him, and you’ll escape with a boat in prime shape for a season of boating.
Don’t overcrowd
Never overcrowd your boat, as excess weight will reduce it’s performance. When drawing up your passenger manifest, remember that women are lighter than men, and women without clothes are lighter than women with clothes. If your passengers complain or question your motives, hold your ground! The increased performance of your boat will be proof enough to silence their bleating.
Chris Bucholz 