Astronaut Crime Wave

If you were paying attention to the news last week, you probably heard about Lisa Nowak, the off-duty astronaut who was arrested and charged with attempted first degree murder. Armed with a BB gun, she had driven halfway across the country to confront a woman who was dating the man she loved.

Oh, and she was wearing a diaper the whole time. Just in case you hadn’t heard.

Now people do crazy things like this all the time and it doesn’t make the news. Just off the top of my head, I can come up with at least six different people I threatened last year while wearing a diaper, plus one other while wearing a “Pull-Ups” style faux-underpants garment. The only reason this has been such a big deal is because of the enormous pedestal we’ve put astronauts on.

No matter how strong, brave, or smart they are, astronauts are real people, with their own quirks and flaws. They smell and fart and wear diapers, just like you and me. And they can let us down like any of our past heroes, like OJ “The Juice” Simpson, or Mel “The Juice” Gibson. In fact, given the sheer number of people we’ve shot into space over the last 40 years, the odds are long that Ms. Nowak is the only space oddity out there.


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Which Heroes Character Are You Most Like?


Every morning you wake up in your ordinary bed. You brush your ordinary teeth, put on your ordinary pants, and go to your ordinary job, where you sell mattresses to ordinary people.

But what if fate held something greater for you? What if somewhere a maverick Indian scientist was studying your DNA – copies of which are readily available in India – and discovered that you have a genetic marker that gives you great power? Maybe you can fly. Maybe you have a tail. Maybe you have the ability to always know when pasta’s done. Wouldn’t that be great? Man, those ass-clowns down at Mattress Larry’s would give you some respect then!

Well dream no longer friend! Using advanced Computer technology, I’ve managed to cobble together the only personality test on the Internet capable of identifying which Heroes character you’re most like. While you wait for your latent abilities to manifest, you can imagine that you’re a character on a popular television show, having all sorts of incredible adventures with your clear skin and attractive bone structure.


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