Up on the main Cracked page is yet another entry in my growing body of work where I find images on the Internet and make easily spotted jokes about them, or failing that, gratuitous references to sex acts. In short, this is exactly the sort of thing that never wins Pulitzer prizes*.
Still, it is pretty funny. Go read it.
Before You go to the dealer
Find out what your price range is for your new car. Be realistic, especially about what you’re willing to sacrifice to pay for it. Are you really willing to live in your car? Think about the hygiene. Even though most modern cars have windshield washer jets that are powerful enough to be used as a bidet, most communities have bylaws in place to prevent exactly this from happening.
Research what features on the car you actually need. Do you really need a shizzle-fozzle-link suspension, or 30 decagram engine? If you don’t understand these basic terms, a car salesman will forcibly have his way with you in the prison-yard of unexpected metaphors that is the used car lot.