New iPhone Article


Unlike previous Cracked articles, where my reporting mandate was to invent every “fact” from scratch and then make it “real stupid,” my latest piece on the main page at Cracked is actually, honestly legitimately researched: 5 reasons why the iPhone might suck (and 5 reasons why we’re pumped anyways.)

This entailed way more time hanging around technology blogs and Apple fan sites than I considered healthy. Despite my protests, this work did not warrant any kind of ‘danger pay’ according to Cracked’s team of crack accountants, a grievance compounded by the fact that I blew through my expense budget ($0) appallingly quickly.

Despite these handicaps, the article did turn out pretty funny. You should go check it out now. Feel free to return here to discuss the merits of my arguments below.

Continue To: 5 reasons why the iPhone might suck (And 5 reasons why we’re pumped anyways.)

Dramatic Chipmunk

So a few days ago I saw this: (Thanks Johnny for the link.)

Honestly, I haven’t laughed that hard at something on the Internet in a long time. It’s a little humbling knowing that for all the effort I go to writing sharp, insightful, unnecessarily scatological comedy, that at any given second I could be blown out of the water by a 5 second video of a chipmunk turning around suddenly.

C’est la vie.

Anyways, along those lines, and in the interest of padding this post out a bit, I’ll share a few other things that have amused the holy bejeezus out of me lately:

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Extremely Stupid TV Shows


“Robotman,” I hear you asking, “it’s been weeks since you’ve examined someone else’s work, and made fun of it mercilessly. Oh how we miss the way you find something that a real live person, with their own hopes and dreams, has built up from nothing, and taken that thing and dashed it against the rocks for the cheap thrills of the slavering crowds below. What’s wrong? Can you no longer stand to look at yourself in the mirror in the morning, standing amongst the wreckage of other people’s work? Are you distracted by something external? Bad gas? A problem in the bedroom? A problem in the bedroom caused by bad gas?”

No, I’ve just been busy. But funny that you asked, because my latest and greatest piece for Cracked, The 13 Most Ridiculous TV Shows To Ever Get Green-Lit has just gone online. That has many of the things you’re looking for.

Continue To: The 13 Most Ridiculous TV Shows To Ever Get Green Lit

New Mascot

So today while I was out scouring the Internet looking for people talking about me and my blog, I stumbled upon this after typing “creepy robot” into Google.


It would appear that the Japanese have managed to build an advanced new robot called the CM2. Representing a new peak in the field of robotics, and a new nadir in the field of common sense, the CM2 has all the physical capabilities of a toddler, combined with the warm approachability of an enema bag.

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