“Daddy, what’s global warming?”

“Well, that’s a pretty complicated question. Basically it means that the earth is slowly getting warmer and warmer over time.”

“Why?”

“Well humans keep releasing greenhouse gases into the atmosphere, which build up and cause the suns energy to get trapped.”

“Why?”

“Hmmm. Ok, you know when you fart?”

“Yeah! Hee hee hee!”

“Yeah, I bet you do. Anyways, you know how when you’re in bed and you fart, it gets all warm and stinky in there?”

“Hee hee! Yeah!”

“Well that’s what humans are doing. We’re farting and farting and farting, and all of our farts are getting stuck in the atmosphere, which is like our bed blankets. And it’s making the earth all warm and stinky.”

“I get it!”

“Yeah! The technical term for this is ‘A Dutch Oven.’”

“Why is it called a Dutch of in?”

“No, a Dutch Oven. It’s called that because people from the Netherlands are smelly because of their very poor personal hygiene.”

“Why?”

“Scientists are still debating that. It probably has something to do with all the time they spend riding bicycles.”

“Ok. So global warming is caused by farting?”

“Err, yes, I suppose that’s where I’m going with this.”

“Then why don’t people stop farting?”

“Heh. Stop farting. Ha ha ha ha ha!”

“Hee hee hee!”

“Ha Ha ha HA HA!”

“Hee hee hee!”

“HAHAHAHAHHHAHHAHAHH!”

“Hee hee hee?”

“Ohhhhh… Because of the American military-industrial complex.”

“The Ameriman milk conspex?”

“No, the American military-industrial complex. Now you remember from your bed time story last night when I explained how a shadowy group of government officials, oil tycoons and Hollywood executives conspire to set gas prices?”

“Yeeeeesssss?”

“Well this is basically the same thing. Our industry, which does most of the farting, doesn’t really want to stop farting. It’s sort of like giving up eating Mexican food. Yes, you could stop eating the Mexican food, and then stop farting. But then you’d have no more delicious tacos!”

“So the industry likes eating tacos?”

“They love ‘em. Our industry leaders argue that Americas military and economic strength are based on having a strong industry. From that they conclude that it’s the tacos that make us strong. Others disagree, and will claim that America would be just as strong on a diet of… um… salad? Yeah, salad.”

“Salad’s gross.”

“You have a powerful argument there son, and I won’t argue the point with you. But it turns out that salad is fairly good for us, and we probably should eat it more often, or at least not eat tacos to the exclusion of all other food groups.”

“Tacos all the time would be awesome!”

“Heh. You are going to love college. Anyways, the same goes for industry; they should also eat more salad and less tacos. But, they don’t want to, and because of the excessive amount of influence our industry leaders have with our government, nothing is likely to change. Industry doesn’t want to stop eating tacos, and our government is unable, or unwilling to make them.”

“Does the president like eating tacos?”

“From what I understand, yes he does. Very much.”

“The milk-ingestery complex…”

“The military-industrial complex.”

“The milipary-industrial complex sounds pretty stupid.”

“Well, maybe, but it’s also the only thing protecting us from the Dutch.”