So I’m running late for work at my usual time (really late), and hop on a bus that reliably carries me to my workplace without incident. Only this time, perched right there in one of the seats towards the front of the bus is the girl whom I broke up with messily 3 months ago.
Robotman’s brain: You’d better act like you don’t see her dude!
Let me tell you a bit about myself. I am not a master of disguise. I have neglected to wear my prosthetic chin today. In the intervening months since I broke up with this girl, I have had 2 haircuts, leaving my hair the exact same length and style it was when we broke up.
Combining that with my unique barrel-chested good looks, I am instantly recognizable. This acting like I don’t see her thing is a sham. So with a mixture of casualness and sheepishness (casusheepishness?) I slowly turn around, intending to acknowledge the awkward situation with a quick smile.
Only to find her intently focused on pretending not to see me.
I mean intently. The push of new passengers on the bus has left me trapped about 2 feet away from her now. I have never seen a girl focus so determinedly at an imaginary point off to her right.
So we ride like this for the 10 minutes or so it takes us to get downtown. We work about a block away from each other, so I’m honestly surprised this hasn’t happened before, but whatever. It’s as we approach our destination(s), that things get really stupid.
As passengers have gotten off the bus at intervening stops, I have now moved down the bus, away from my former lover. Between her and the exit door as it happens. Normally she would get off at the first stop (lets call this stop A), because that’s closer to where she works. I would typically get off at stop B, 3 blocks later.
As we approach stop A, because I’m directly between her and the door, and because she is furiously making mental calculations on how to avoid acknowledging I exist, she remains seated, clearly intending to get off at stop B. Me, seeing that she is now intending to get off at MY bus stop, with the obvious (and ill-conceived) intent of avoiding me, now decide that I should get off at her bus stop, and walk the extra distance to my work.
I do so. Crisis motherfucking averted.
Until we walk past each other, as our now-3-times-longer walking routes intersect.
“This is retarded.” I said to myself. Had I said it to her, I’d like to think she’d agree.