Unrequited Love

What ever happend to that chick who played the pre-teen love interest in that old Fred Savage video game movie The Wizard? I wonder what she’s doing these days?

wizard.jpg

I’d like to imagine me and the girl from The Wizard maybe getting a cup of coffee sometime – nothing serious of course, just casual-like. She could tell me stories about all the fun times she and Fred Savage used to have on the set of The Wizard, and I could describe how I used to reenact my favorite The Wizard scenes using an old GI Joe figure in place of her, and one of my sisters My Little Pony dolls in place of Fred Savage. And we’d laugh and laugh and laugh, and then I’d suggest maybe we get a drink.

So we’re at a bar, drinking and talking, and eventually the subject would drift towards video games; about Rad Racer and Super Mario
Brothers 3 and Double Dragon. And then she’d look me in the eyes and tell me that although the Power Glove looked
really cool in the movie, in reality it was a pretty gimicky and unresponsive controller.

So I’m sitting there, listening to her make this incredibly astute observation about ancient video game
technology, and I get just the hugest boner. I am lucky to be sitting at a large and sturdy table, because otherwise
it would be a menace to low-flying airplanes. And she start’s going on and on
about all these old video game tricks, as I get progressively tinglier downstairs, listening to her rattle off the Contra code
and other arcane video game minutiae. I start trying to change the subject,
but she’s having none of it, and when she lists all of the fucking warp flutes in SMB3 off the top of her head, I just
lose it, and I start goin UN HGHG, UNGH, UNGGGGGHGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

So I’m drifting in and out of consciousness, and she gives me an appraising look, then asks if I came
in my pants. I sheepishly admit that I have. I suspect this isn’t the first
time that it’s happened to her. She nods, and looks bored for a moment, looking into her drink. I have another modest orgasm,
but decide to keep that fact to myself.

And then I’d ask, “Hey was that retarded kid who played Fred Savage’s brother – the one who’s
always saying ‘Caaaaaaaahhliforniaaaaaaaa’ – was he really retarded? The actor I mean?”

And she’d say “No. He was just some kid.”

Yeah, if anyone, you know, has her email address or something…..

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