Campfires are a sexy and mysterious way to liven up your camping trip!
But be sure to follow these helpful rules to avoid any distinctly unsexy disasters!

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DO be sure to observe all local laws and regulations pertaining to campfires. Follow the instruction of any local officials. Park wardens instructed to “Relax” will almost never do so.

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DO pitch your tent at least 15 feet upwind from grills and fireplaces. For the sake of others camping near you, avoid making any overused jokes about “pitching your tent” while doing so.

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Looking around, I concluded that this certainly was nicer than the library in my house. And that’s assuming you would be generous enough to call the stack of Maxim magazine on top of my toilet tank a “library”. No, this place had wood paneling. Real books. No DVD’s. Classy. I let out a low whistle.

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The classified ad had read simply:

Do You Have a Passion For Life?

Have I Got The Job For You!

No Experience Necessary!

Pays Well!

Call 687-2768

It’s probably not accurate to say that I have a “Passion For Life.” However I do have a passion for “Pays Well”, and seeing as the only thing I’ve had much experience with lately is reading Maxim on the toilet, this “No Experience Necessary” business was right up my alley as well. The phone number connected to a machine telling me when and where to go for the interview. When I arrived, there were a dozen or so other guys standing
around aimlessly. Exactly on time, a couple vans pulled up and we were shepherded in to them. 45 minutes later we’re out of the city at some estate, and shown to the library.

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Returning from the water cooler with a refreshing cup of water in hand, I paused to reflect on how well the day had turned out. My morning donut had been fresh and warm. My boss was still on vacation, and thus had a difficult time assigning work for me to do. And earlier, during one of my frequent looks out the window, I got to watch a seagull take an enormous dump on the hood of a BMW. Yes, this Friday was starting to shape up pretty well indeed.

I settled into my chair, prepared to wait out the rest of the afternoon, and maybe indulge in a small bit of seagull watching when…..

“Treachery!”

One of my coworkers slowly turned around. “What is it this time Phil?” The birds laughing at you again?

That’s Tim. Another accounting clerk like me, although he seems to think he’s senior because he was hired two weeks prior to me. The best way to describe Tim, both in personality and appearance, is to say that he’s a complete fuckwad.

I don’t much care for Tim.

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