It took me awhile to remember why I wrote this. I think someone was stringing random words together on a forum where I used to hang out, and came up with “Vagina Liaison.” Naturally, I took it and ran.

As a trained vagina liaison, I get asked alot of questions:

Q: When storing firewood in my vagina, how much is too much?
A: As much as is comfortable, provided you keep your vagina away from open flame.

Q: My husband and I smoke after sex, yet neither of us enjoy cigarettes. Why is that?
A: I’m not sure.

Q: Because I need to lubricate my vagina!
A: I see.

Q: My vagina sometimes emits a high-pitched squealing sound when decelerating. What is that?
A: Your vagina is a car, and will likely need new brake pads.

Q: Does the smell ever bother you?
A: Not at all. Some people even find it quite sensual.

Q: I suspect I have Beaver Fever. Is there any known cure?
A: I have the cure for you right here….

Q: Does anything rhyme with vagina?
A: Yes, but “mangina” isn’t a real word.

Q: If a vagina is smuggling drugs and then kills a bunch of cops, are you allowed to shoot it?
A: Not if it has diplomatic immunity.

Q: How do you become a vagina liaison?
A: Send a self addressed stamped envelope with a 15 dollar money order to:

Vagina Liaison Licensing Bureau
c/o: Robert Redford
2773 Wilshire Blvd
Los Angeles
California

Q: What bothers you most about your work?
A: All the splinters I get.

Q: What are you doing in bed with my wife?
A: ~lunges out the window into a tree, then scampers into the night.~